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talenarenee
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Name: TALENA
State: Texas
Birthday: 11/20/1978
Gender: Female
Interests: reading romance novels, watching CSI reruns on Spike TV, spending quality time with the spouse and family, knitting lots of blankets (wanna guess what you're getting for christmas?)
Expertise: procrastinating. i'll teach you tomorrow.
Occupation: teacher
Industry: education
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  bepgirl
Member Since:
3/10/2005
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| Because I'm too f-ing tired to write more tonight.
Long story short- I'm in San Antonio. I was told at 4:30 this afternoon. I have my first dose in the drug study tomorrow. I'm leaving SA as early as I can Saturday morning so I can get back to Houston in time for the wedding and birthday party.
Now sleep. Tomorrow, when I'm killing six hours at the hospital (I have to be observed) I'll update the whole story. | | |
| extremely tired and angry and just in general frustrated with life.
So I'm hoping that filling out this survey (copied from my friend Sarah H) will be cathartic.
You don't have to read. I'm just in the mood to vent.
THE SURVEY
Do you think the last person you kissed cares for you?
not past the night
How old is the last person you kissed?
i have no idea
What made you happy today?
since today has been pretty shitty, let's think. making plans for moving next summer just to distract me from the other issues.
When was the last time you went camping?
i can't remember the last overnight camping i did. probably back in college with matt and se.
Do you have a reason to smile right now?
i'm sure i could find one. like my dog. or making dinner plans. or thinking how awesome my real friends are.
Have you ever woke up next to someone and were creeped out?
nope, no coyote ugly moments.
What do you do when you need to relax?
read, watch tv, talk to my friends, sleep.
What are you listening to right now?
the television- the movie "waitress" with keri russell is on.
What was the last thing you purchased?
a dr pepper from the staff soda machine.
Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with the letter A?
yes, my first love had an "a" name.
Can money buy happiness?
no, but not having money does suck.
Has any one said they love you in the last week?
just family
What kind of digital camera brand do you have?
i don't know.
Does any part of your body hurt right now?
my back. i think i need a new mattress.
What was the last thing you took a bite of?
the chocolate cake at lunch.
What are you wearing on your feet?
just flip flops
Do you usually have weird dreams?
the ones i remember are usually pretty strange.
Do you like your bed?
not right now. the mattress is getting saggy.
Have you ever been to NYC?
just once. i'd love a more extended trip.
What are you thinking about right now?
trying to decide if i need counseling. no seriously. i'm so angry and it's doesn't matter how justified i feel, it's not going to change the situation and i just need to accept that and let go, but again, I'M SO ANGRY.
What color is your keyboard?
black with white letters.
Marriage in your future?
i imagine so. i'm a romantic.
How has this past week been for you?
weird. ups and downs. a week ago we were in a hurricane recovery, i found out people i thought were my friends turned out to be not my friends, had a great dinner and met some new people, went to another party and watched jeff dunham, worked out, vented, watched my last live game of brad ausmus' career, and now this.
Who are you very disappointed in right now?
i won't name names on the internet. not that they'd see it but still. don't tell me you're going to stay my friend and then decide i'm not worth the effort.
Is there anyone that you care more about than yourself?
of course.
What song is stuck in your head?
none.
What does your last text say?
"i can next week because we get paid.  "
Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
of course. tees, boxers, sweats.
When is the last time you showered?
yesterday.
When was the last time you talked to your number one?
i don't have a myspace anymore so i'd guess lauren or becky would be my #1 on the friends list. i talked to them yesterday.
Have you ever cried and didn't know why?
no, i usually know why i've cried.
Do you have any plans for wednesday?
that's tonight. i'm going to grab an early dinner, head over to my parents and then work out with them at the new gym.
What about the next day?
maybe dinner with yvonne.
What’s your middle name?
renee
Where will you be in an hour?
probably eating dinner.
Could you date someone taller than you?
i have to. considering i'm short. and a girl. i don't think i could date anyone shorter than me. i don't think i'd be attracted to them.
Do you like cuddling?
completely!
Do you wish you could be with someone right now?
yes and no. i want it the way it was, but if that's not right for us, then no, i'd rather wait and be with someone who is right for me.
Do you sleep with anything?
many pillows and my dog.
What did you do today?
work, walked macy, and then this... it's still early.
Last time you cried?
last night.
Do you want to slap someone?
tempting. but no. i'm not really a violent person.
What are your plans for tomorrow?
didn't i just answer this?
Have you ever loved someone so much it hurt?
that's a weird phrase. i've loved passionately and when we'd fight, i'd feel pained in my heart.
Do you like your friends?
huh. if i didn't like them, they wouldn't be friends. it's sort of a requirement.
Last high five?
i knuckle punch my friend's five year son.
Want someone to call/text you?
sure. not anyone in particular, but i'm social. i like people.
What do you hate the most?
students who don't take any responsibility for their actions and people who aren't honest.
Next party you'll go to?
if weddings count as a party then oct. 2. if not, then angela's birthday on oct. 10.
Is there someone specific that's on your mind?
not in a good way.
Where was your default taken?
somewhere on my wrist.
What were you doing?
showing off my new tattoo.
What side of a heart do you draw first?
left
What is bothering you right now?
the angry pissed off feeling i have about the situation i can't control and shouldn't be worried about anyway b/c they aren't really people who deserve my friendship.
Is it worth crying over a guy/girl?
only when you're healing from a break up.
Who was the last person you took a picture with?
probably sarah o.
Do you sleep with the door open or closed?
open
Are you good at hiding your feelings?
not really, i'm pretty much an open book.
Who was the last conversation you had on the phone with?
lauren
Do you believe what comes around goes around?
not really. i hope so so that good deeds are rewards and bad deeds punished but i don't know God's plan and have to just have faith in Him.
Do you trust people easily?
yep and i usually get burned by it.
Do you give out second chances easily?
not as easily, but yeah. i'm not into thirds.
Do you smile a lot?
not lately.
What did you do last Labor Day?
i don't really remember.
Have you ever cried from being so mad?
often. i cry easily. when i'm happy, sad, hurt, laughing, and especially when i'm so frustrated and feeling helpless.
Miss someone?
i do.
What makes you laugh?
stand up comedy. babies.
Wheres your shirt from?
school shirt that says "finish strong".
Did you cry today?
no
Has anyone ever sang to you?
poorly but yes
Why did your last relationship ended?
to be honest, i don't know sometimes. but i just don't think we're really that right for each other. we both have issues that we need to deal with.
When was the last time you got in trouble with the law?
if you mean traffic violations, i got a warning on the way to san antonio.
What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
i think just starting this damn survey.
Are you any good at English?
speaking it. not so much writing it.
Do you like Dane Cook?
not really.
Do you have any famous ancestors?
no
Favorite shoes?
my sketcher flip flops.
Do you know all the words to the song on your myspace page?
no. b/c i don't have a myspace page.
Where is your mom?
at her house? maybe?
Have you ever kissed in the rain?
probably but it wasn't cinematic.
Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
i haven't been to the beach in a while so i don't know.
What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
getting my four wisdom teeth pulled.
What is outside your back door?
nothing.
Do you have any plans for Saturday?
not yet.
How many times did you look at the mirror today?
twice?
Do you have a secret crush?
nope, i'm not really crushing (since that implies a new person and new feelings) i still care about my ex and haven't had enough time to move on yet.
Do you keep in touch with your ex.
yeah, i'm still good friends with william and james and i text often just to keep in touch.
Do you dislike anyone right now?
yes. i do now. i didn't before. i need to work on my anger.
Something you are excited about?
moving to Austin next summer.
Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
no
When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group?
does teaching count?
What kind of winter coat do you have?
just easy ones b/c i life in texas.
What are the songs/movies that reminds you of an ex?
the namesake reminds me of william, and french kiss reminds me of james (as the timothy hutton character)
Can you tie a cherry stem with your tongue?
depends on how long the stem is.
Who was your first best friend?
in elementary school it was amy and jennie
How long was your longest relationship?
james- dated for 1 year in college, then nine months and married for 3 1/2 years.
Shortest?
three weeks in high school (ha ha Jeff!!!)
Have you ever snuck out of your house?
no, my dad would've heard me.
What's the last compliment you received?
my hair looked good on saturday.
Do you wear contacts or glasses?
neither. thank you, lasik.
Which friend lives the closest to you?
cherisse still lives in the complex and matt lives down the street.
Are you on any medications?
yep. two now, about to be an investigational third one for my MS
What's your favorite thing to do?
depends. read is tops, then watch tv and play games with my friends.
What annoys you?
middle school children, lying people
Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?
not the last one since i don't know him (bad bar!) but i'd be hurt to see william kiss someone.
If you woke up in one of the Saw movies, do you think you could survive?
sadly no. i have a low pain threshold
When is the last time you were in a photobooth taking pictures with a friend?
Becky's wedding?
Who's the last person you had a sleep over with?
i have no idea. probably the last time i stayed at william's.
Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided seeing them?
of course. i don't like conflict.
Do you know anyone with such a terribly annoying voice that you can't even stand it?
not that i can think of. there are people that annoy me so much that i can't stand to hear their voice but it doesn't usually have much to do with their voice specifically.
Do you have a friend of the opposite sex that you can tell everything to?
yeah, mostly everything at least.
Who was the last guy you talked to?
matt at school? william last night on the phone.
Does the last person you held hands with mean a lot?
yes, he does. as a friend now.
Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
i'm not a fan, so i couldn't be with someone who smoked often.
Do you participate in your Church activities?
no, i don't regularly attend church, but now that i'm not going to RCIA, i'm going to start looking for a new church. i'd like to get involved.
What's going on between you and the last person you kissed?
nothing.
Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
lauren last night.
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
lauren.
Do you announce when you have to pee?
sometimes.
Last time you got a text message and smiled?
i smirked this time.
Have you ever made anyone laugh when they were crying?
maybe. probably.
First person to text today?
lauren.
The person you're in love with moves across the world, what do you do?
it would depend on our relationship- if he loved me, where we together, did we want a future?
Do you enjoy piercings and tattoos?
i have two of my own. some are sexy, some are just scary.
What do you wear more, jeans or sweat pants?
jeans. i love my jeans.
Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is ok?
not cheating on people, but like a test or something... maybe. it depends.
What is one thing you do before you go to sleep?
read. check my cell phone to make sure the alarm is set.
Think of the person you'd like to be with the most right now, when did you last talk to them?
last night.
When's the last time you did something you knew was wrong?
aug 18.
Last three texts in your phone are from:
ashley, facebook, james.
How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?
just the one night.
Did you date anyone this summer?
yes
Do you hate the last guy/girl you had a thing with?
no
Is there a guy/girl that knows everything or mostly everything about you?
of course. that's what bff's and people i was separated at birth from are for!!!
Do you still talk to the person you were dating 6 months ago?
yes, we're still good friends.
Who was the last person you cried in front of?
in person? hmm.... i don't remember. probably lauren or william.
Who was the last person in your bed besides you?
macy (my dog).
You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life, what is it?
dr pepper.
What's your relationship with the person you last texted?
one of my friends
What is one thing you would love to happen today?
to have a good dinner.
How many different houses have you lived in throughout your life?
growing up i don't remember until i moved in with my dad and step mom. from there two until college and then at least 11 or so.
Do you trust all of your friends?
to varying degrees.
Do you think you can last in a relationship for three months?
completely. i don't really date casually or short term.
Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?
not necessarily a bff but a really good friend.
Have you ever been nice to someone who treated you like crap?
yes, it was hard b/c it hurt to be treated like that.
Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
grown some, but still feel pretty much the same.
Have you lost contact with someone you wish you didn't?
smita. i miss her.
Who was the last guy/girl you were talking to? and Do you hate them?
lauren. yep i hate her. (just kidding for those that don't know us. we're crazy sarcastic.)
Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
probably not. that was sort of the point of those kisses.
Have you ever regretted anything?
usually not, but it requires time to get to that point and right now Aug 18 is still a little close.
When was the last time you felt like your heart was actually breaking?
august 17.
What is one thing you feel that you NEED in life?
affection
Has more than one person ever told you they're in love with you?
yea
Dark hair or light hair in the opposite sex ?
dark
Have you ever gotten a sunburn so bad it hurt to move?
not recently which is good, but yeah...
Who are your favorite people to talk to when you’re down?
lauren and william.
Is there someone you will never forget?
of course. close friends and relationships.
Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
no one. i'd end up killing them. i need my space sometimes.
Have you ever been in the car with a drunk driver?
not seriously drunk, just really tipsy. but he still drove well.
Whens the last time you talked with the opposite sex on the phone?
last night.
| | |
| Borrowed from J_Flo:
it's been a while since I've done a survey.
MOUTHOLOGY
Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
A. Ranch
Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. Chick Fil A
Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A. BJs Brewery- yummy pizza!
Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. About 20% unless it's really bad service and then usually just 10%, but it has to be really bad.
Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick off of?
A. Sushi. Now if only I could afford it for two weeks.
Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A. Pepperoni and pineapple.
Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
A. butter and grape jelly
Q. What is your favorite type of gum?
A. spearmint
TECHNOLOGY
Q. Number of contacts in your cell phone?
A. I have no idea. It seems like a lot b/c I don't erase names that often.
Q. Number of contacts in your email address book?
A. Not as many b/c I'm bad about putting people in an online address book.
Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. a generic city skyline at night.
Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A. Only one tv. I don't like to have a tv in the bedroom because it distracts me from my sleep.
BIOLOGY
Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. a leftie
Q. What’s your best feature?
A. My eyes
Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. Just recently I was separated from three of my moles, one that I really like. I also had my wisdom teeth removed in college. When I was ten years old I had a weird muscle thing removed from my mouth to close the gap between my two front teeth.
Q. Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
A. Touch. My skin is very sensitive.
Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. A couple of years ago.
Q. What is the heaviest item you lifted last?
A. The big ass bag of dog food for Macy.
Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. Only by anesthesia.
BULLCRAPOLOGY
Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. No because I'd cease to live a good life because I'd forever anticipate my death.
Q. Is love for real?
A. Completely.
Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. First or last? I wouldn't change my first name. I'm quite a bit more flexible on my last name.
Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. Dark blues
Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. I'm sure that I have when I was just a wee tot but I don't remember off hand.
Q. Have you ever saved someone’s life?
A. Not that I'm directly aware of.
Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. I don't think so.
DAREOLOGY
Q. Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
A. I liked Jonna's question about how busy the street was. I don't think I would b/c I don't like my body that much and would hate to show it in public but it would pay off my loans and debt and put a lot into savings so I could be a stay at home mom.
Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. Sure.
Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. I don't think I'd miss my right pinky but I'd want guarantees of anesthesia and pain pills.
Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. See ya, xanga! Someone out there want to pay me $50k to shut up?
Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. depends on the magazine. there are some amazingly beautiful photographs out there that you had to be naked to pose for but nothing is showing, sort of like Becky's boudoir pictures that she does some clients. I wouldn't pose in playboy though. i have too many naughty students who'd see that.
Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. If I could I would. But hot sauce is really hard on my tummy.
Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. No. Because there would be punishment from on high. I don't think I could ever physically hurt anyone else, unless in self defense or defense of a loved one.
Q. Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
A. Yes. Please someone offer me that.
DUMBOLOGY
Q: What is in your left pocket?
A: Lint
Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A: I never saw it (*gasp*).
Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A: I have an apartment and it's mostly carpet.
Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A: I stand.
Q: Could you live with roommates?
A: I could, although I prefer to not have roommates because of my dog.
Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A: Five or six I'm sure.
Q: Where were you born?
A. Houston, Texas.
Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: I got a speeding ticket in July.
Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: A lawyer. I might still do that.
LASTOLOGY
Q: Friend you talked to?
A: Ashley
Q: Last person you called?
A: William
Q: Person you hugged?
A: William
FAVORITOLOGY
Q: Number?
A: 28
Q: Color?
A: dark blues
Q: Season?
A: Fall
CURRENTOLOGY
Q: Missing someone?
A: i'm ok. i miss william a bit during the week a bit but that's what makes seeing him during the weekends so sweet.
Q: Mood?
A: more settled than before. achy from my missing mole.
Q: Listening to?
A: an Olympic special interest story on Olympic feelings overcoming war and hostility.
Q: Watching?
A. See above.
Q: Worrying about?
A: being patient enough.
RANDOMOLOGY
Q: First place you went this morning?
A: to my laptop to check for emails.
Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: I'm looking forward to going to Austin the first weekend of September.
Q: What’s the last movie you saw?
A: At the theatre was Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. At home? I think I watched most of Gladiator today.
Q: Do you smile often?
A: I think so. I'm usually a pretty positive person.
Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: Yes, although I tend to have a sarcastic sense of humor.
Q: Now that the survey's done what are you going to do?
A: Read the rest of the blogs that I've not kept up on.
| | |
| Finally, today I started the tests needed to get me started on the drug trial. On the schedule was an MRI, CT scan, neurological exams, blood work and an eye exam. Remember this is all in San Antonio so I had to drive in yesterday afternoon and stayed at the hotel provided. Sadly I didn't sleep well, haven't in a while, so I think that added to this morning's fiasco. I have had four or five MRI's since being diagnosed, and all but one have been in a traditional closed machine (think long tube that you're wheeled into after being tucked in like a baby). Always I've been able to look up at the mirror that's positioned so that I can see out of the tube into the room beyond. The last MRI I had had issues with the mirror and it wasn't positioned correctly but I was still able to see the room and talk myself out of panicking. Today that was not the case. The mirror would not come down any lower and as soon as he wheeled me in the tube I freaked. I didn't exactly screamed and flail about but I started crying right away and begging to be taken out of the machine. I couldn't calm down and couldn't talk myself into going back into it (not for 45 minutes). But since I'd driven myself and didn't have anyone with me they couldn't sedate me. Unfortunately I had to reschedule the MRI which will push back when I can start the new drug. I did get the CT test, but since it was at the same place and I was so tired, I cried the entire time even though it wasn't invasive and was wide open. I think I was just worn down.
I went to the neurological center to more tests run. I'm such a nerd that I hear the word 'test' I think I have to do amazing on it. There was one test where they'd give you a series of numbers with about three seconds between each number. The idea is that you add the two numbers and then add the second and third number and then the third and fourth number... (for example if I heard 3...6....1... I'd say 9 after 3 and 6 and then 7 after 1). It's really challenging because you have remember the last number you heard from the voice when you've just said a number out loud and add it to the next number he says. My strategy varied from putting the last number said on my fingers to saying the sum out loud and then mentally repeating the number I'd heard. There are sixty numbers in a set so this takes a while.
Then they hooked me up to a heart ekg like monitor that I have to wear until tomorrow. It's kinda itchy but I'm being careful since I've already screwed up one test today. Tomorrow I'll have another pulmonary appointment and then check in with the neuro people again to turn in my monitor. When I come back on the 12th I'll have a dermatology appointment and the MRI. Please pray that the sedation knocks me out. I'm going to be even more nervous knowing the panic attack I had this time.
The one good thing that happened was that I've lost 15 lbs without trying. Now it's probably been about a year since I was officially weighed and as soon as I get home I'm going to double check but it was a pleasant surprise. Unfortunately it goes to show that weight is just a number. My clothes don't really seem to fit that much smaller, but seeing the smaller number is helping motivate me to start focusing on my health better when I get back home. | | |
| My appointment for the clinical trial pre tests has been postponed from June 30 to July 31st. Grrr. | | |
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